Tips For Families Dealing With A Gambling Problem

If you are a spouse, family member or friend of a person with a gambling problem, it is only natural to want to help. You must be prepared, however, that the individual may not be ready or willing to admit that he or she has a problem; and a confrontation may not have the desired outcome. While the gambling problem may be affecting you negatively, you cannot simply make them stop. Fortunately, there are many things you can do to take care of yourself that will help you, the rest of the family and ultimately help the person with the gambling problem, too.

Here are some things you can do:

1. Get informed: Gather information about how gambling problems develop and about the necessary steps for recovery. If family members wish to confront the person with a gambling problem, it is important that they have support – both from professionals (counselors) and from information and material about gambling.
2. Don’t hide the problem: Acknowledge the problem – identify it and name it. When spouses, family members and friends try to help by making excuses for the gambler or lending them money, they are really just allowing the problem to continue by not addressing it. While giving in to the person’s lies and demands may seem easier, taking a firm stand will give the individual no choice but to face their issues. Leave the responsibility and consequences of the gambling to them. Let them know that you are willing to support them in getting professional help.
3. Choose the right moment to talk: If the person with a gambling problem is expressing remorse about gambling or if they have just finished a gambling episode, they may be more open to talking about the issue. If the person rationalizes their actions, be prepared to bring up facts (i.e. missed bills, work, etc.) or to end the discussion. It is also helpful to express feelings from an “I” point of view (i.e. “I think that…”) as this will make the gambler less defensive and reduce the likelihood of arguments. If there is a chance of violent or abusive behaviour, caution should be used to ensure the safety and well-being of everyone involved. Get your support system in place – this may be a family member, close friend, clergy or a helping agency. Assess the situation to identify who may be helpful and accepted by your partner or family member.
4. Negotiate and set firm boundaries around issues such as your expectations around future gambling (complete abstinence is usually recommended once someone has had a problem with gambling), managing the family finances, and meeting other household responsibilities.
5. Be supportive in helping the person to make positive changes. Recognize and acknowledge positive steps he or she is making and give praise for successfully staying away from gambling. Realize that quitting any addiction is a difficult process that can take time. Remember to talk to the person with a gambling problem about how his or her recovery is progressing and ask how you can be most helpful to that process.
6. Get help for yourself: Many families are involved in similar situations and finding a safe place to share feelings and sort through emotions can be a tremendous help. Even if the person with a gambling problem chooses not to seek help, family members can get support to make their situation better. Here’s where you can get help.
7. Remember that change takes time. It takes hard work and commitment to change one’s own behaviour. It may take several times before the person is able to successfully change their behaviour. A relapse is when a person falls back into their old pattern of behaviour - gambling. This may occur when the person has difficulty coping with stress. It is important to be able to identify the triggers of stress and learn coping strategies to deal with them. It may mean avoiding gambling venues and friends that gamble. It is possible to get back on track, knowing that it takes one day at a time for change to be successful.

• You cannot force your family member or friend to stop
• You are not to blame for their behaviour
• The gambling behaviour is the problem, not the person
• You have the right to feel safe, and emotionally and financially secure
• If taking action puts your safety or the safety of others at risk you may need professional help.